I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
