she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
