first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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