You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
