so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
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