the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
