I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
