if i can run in heels then i can drive
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
