so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize