went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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