all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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