i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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