So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
