I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
You dont lie about slip and slides
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Randomize
