no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
