Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
