I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
