Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
