her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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