i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
