so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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