I just threw up on my dentist
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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