I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
