Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
