She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
