my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
