I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
