Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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