I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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