do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
