I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Randomize
