Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
