Ambien. No doubt about it.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
