The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
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