Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
