Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
