I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
