News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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