We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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