Rock
Scissors
Fuck
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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