I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
