I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
