I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize