I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize