If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize