Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
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