I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
