Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
