I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
