please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize