i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
