He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
