OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
