This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
50% drunk capacity currently
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
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