He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
