My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Houston, we have a squirter
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
