I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
