We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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