I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Man, jail baloney is awful.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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