You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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