you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
well most of my day revolves around power hour
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
