sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize