Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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