Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
