ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
