So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i just google imaged poop.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
my god I love twenty year old dicks
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
