i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
