did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
