Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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