it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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