theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
