I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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