They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
