Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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