I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
