spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
