turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Randomize
