This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
